Send “regrets” for written invitations within a week. [3] X Research source Don’t give the impression that you may come if you know you won’t. Stringing the host along as they prepare for their event will frustrate them. If you are not sure whether or not you can attend, call the host to explain your dilemma and ask when they need a solid answer. If you plan to attend but must be late, ask the host if that is ok. If the event includes a seated meal, it may not be possible to show up at anytime. However, your host may suggest you come at the conclusion of dinner before dancing begins. [4] X Research source If no RSVP is requested, still call or write to the host with your regrets and thank them for including you. It is considered rude to ignore an invitation completely. “Regrets only” is often an option included on formal RSVP cards. If you do not send the card back, you are agreeing to attend.
The type of note should match the type of invitation sent. For a wedding or bridal shower, send a formal card or use nice looking stationery. Never send a typed response to a personal invitation. Unless even your address on the envelope was typewritten, your host put time and effort into your invitation and you should do the same. Find examples of polite declines online if you are not sure what to say, but be sure to change the wording to fit your particular circumstances or manner of speaking. [6] X Research source Don’t get caught plagiarizing an example you found instead of taking time to write a sincere note.
Don’t make up a reason for not attending. It will likely backfire when s/he finds out you lied, even if it was to protect his or her feelings. Don’t feel the need to over-explain. For formal invitations, a simple “I’m sorry to have to miss it,” will suffice. [7] X Research source If pressed for a reason, you can simply says, “It’s personal. ”[8] X Research source Avoid relaying any guilt for needing to skip the event. This only wastes your time and energy and may be negatively accepted by your host.
Don’t wait until you can get a gift to send your regrets, though! Let the host know ASAP that you cannot attend, and send a gift and a written card later. Don’t feel obligated to buy a gift for someone you don’t know well or aren’t related to. It is up to your own judgment as to whether your invitation warrants a gift. [10] X Research source
Even if the option is given on the evite, avoid offering an explanation that all guests can see. It’s much better to simply decline and send a personal message if you feel the need to say why you cannot attend. [12] X Research source If your potential host is a close friend, it is best to tell them you can’t make it in person, if possible, or at least over the phone. Send a written note also, closer to the date of the event, to wish them a happy party. [13] X Expert Source Tami ClaytorEtiquette Coach Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.
Avoid agreeing to attend something you really don’t want to attend. It will only disappoint your host more when you are expected and don’t show up, or if you change your response at the last minute. It’s ok to not feel guilty for not wanting to attend yet another baby or bridal shower in the spring. Wipe shame from your mind, and respond with a polite decline. [14] X Research source
Be sure to offer your sincere disappointment that you cannot attend the original event, and thanks for thinking you were important enough to invite![15] X Research source
Say, “That is very sweet of you, but I will have to pass. I’d love to do something else though, just as friends. ” Don’t embarrass your host by telling others about the invitation. Keep it to yourself, just as you would like others to do when you ask them out.
